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alpinnia photo by
Val West
negotiating
win-win
"When one
person needs
to win, the relationship always loses." ~ Richard
Greene
WIN/WIN
negotiation is a process of mutual support and
discovery that nurtures solutions, fosters long-term
relationships and provides everyone involved with
what they need.
Conflict Resolution and Negotiation
"Put yourself in my shoes."
While empathy and objectivity offer powerful
tools for strengthening interpersonal
relationships, most people are reluctant to
embrace them. This is particularly true
during negotiations and conflicts, when
these applied concepts can do the most good.
Here are tips to train yourself and those
around you to do a little shoe switching:
• Ask questions -- both of yourself and of
other people. Why do they think that way?
How did they come to their positions? What
feelings are behind their position or
actions? Have I ever had similar feelings?
What did I need to resolve those feelings?
• Ask for answers. Once you've come to
appreciate other people's dilemmas, ask them
to provide options to help resolve them. If
they don't have any options, float a few
yourself. If they refuse to consider any
resolution, ask bigger questions. Sometimes
minor conflicts are just covers for larger,
unresolved issues.
• Ask for reciprocation. You've put on their
shoes for awhile, now encourage them to do
the same. Empathy and objectivity need to
run in both directions or they just become
tools for manipulation.
• Ask early and often. A little preemptive
empathy can keep conflicts from ever
occurring, allowing for both parties to
focus their efforts on mutually beneficial
emotions and activities instead of preparing
for battle.
• Ask for cooperation instead of
competition. Many think of every situation
in life as a win-or-lose proposition,
whether it be an argument or the process of
deciding where to eat that night with their
spouses. True winners understand how to
re-shape circumstances so that everyone
walks away happy.
Steps for Successful WIN/WIN Negotiation
1. Self-preparation:
ATTITUDE: have an attitude of respect,
curiosity, optimism, patience, tolerance,
flexibility and awareness
BELIEFS: accept that there is abundance -
plenty for everyone; know that your needs can be
easily fulfilled; realize that we enjoy seeing
each other get what we desire; know that win/win
works
DESIRE: have an idea about the issue and what
you want so that you can articulate it in simple
terms
2.
Set ground rules:
TIME: agree on the best time to talk - when you
both have time
PLACE: select a place where you can both focus
and concentrate
RESPECT: no name calling, sarcasm, intimidation;
agree to disagree, set clear boundaries for your
self, acknowledge the other's boundaries and
uphold them, be consistent
LISTEN: don't react to emotional outbursts as
each person has their opportunity to vent (one
at a time)
UNDERSTAND: define and support the other's
emotions
FOCUS: stick to the subject, don't bring up
unrelated issues
BREAKS: take a time-out or a break if needed
COMMIT: keep at it until there is a resolution
SAFE: no violent or abusive behavior
3.
Define the problem, needs and desires
PATIENCE: take your time, be thoughtful
TOLERANCE: be aware and gentle with one another
SEPARATE: people and the problem or behavior
SIMPLIFY: reduce problems, needs, desires to
simple statements
PRIORITIZE: first agree on the definition of the
problem and who owns it, if this cannot be done,
bring in a third party.
4.
Generate new options
BRAINSTORM: name a variety of solutions or
possibilities without judging them
EXAMINE: consider how each possible solution
will meet the needs defined earlier
5.
Select the best option for both parties
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